I STILL CAN'T TALK ABOUT PHYLLIS

2009

It is March 2009 and Phyllis has been gone for almost 3 months and I still can’t talk about her. I can say things like, “Phyllis used to sit here” or “She liked a VO and soda in the evening” and that sort of thing, but if I try to talk about my relationship with her or how much I Ioved her, or our past experiences together, tears well up and I lose my voice.

I would have thought that after 3 months it would be getting easier, but it’s getting harder instead. I suppose that it’s alright because, as I have said, I don’t ever want to get to where I can talk about Phyllis without thinking about how much I love her, and how much she meant and still means to me and without thinking about how blessed I am to have shared a 70 year long love affair with her.

I had known her since she was age 11, but it was when she was age 15 that I knew that she was the one. It was not like, something’s got to happen right now. It was that I just knew, “Someday I’m going to marry Phyllis.” Phyllis and I never “fell” in love, we just “became” in love through association. We were around each other a lot. I was 20 years old, so I had to give her a little time to grow up. And what a job of growing up she did!!

Our life together was full of love, and it was eventful and wholly satisfactory. It’s over now, and most of the meaning of my life has gone.

Though you note my sadness, don’t grieve for me. Rejoice with me that I had this wonderful 70 years of life with this beautiful lady by my side.